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PODGLĄD NAPISÓW:

{1579}{1620}What's up? I'm Brüno. {1664}{1794}I live in Austria's coolest city, Vienna.|No big deal. Whatever. {1828}{1887}I am the host of Funkyzeit, {1890}{2011}the most important TV fashion show|in any German-speaking country, {2025}{2060}apart from Germany. {2177}{2238}Funkyzeit is über influential. {2241}{2379}In fact, Austrian fashionistas live their lives|according to my "In or Out" list. {2386}{2431}In! Autism. {2438}{2476}Aus. Chlamydia. {2496}{2576}Why is autism so cool at the moment? {2580}{2641}-Because it's funny.|-Great. {2665}{2729}Through Funkyzeit,|ich have done interviews {2732}{2796}mit everyone in the Euro-fashion world. {2799}{2850}Can you look into this camera and just say, {2853}{2918}"You're watching Funkyzeit mit Brüno"? {2921}{3036}You are watching Funkyzeit programme|with Brüno, and it's really a great show. {3053}{3131}Yeah, that's cool. Can you do it, like,|even more like a kind of black guy? {3134}{3158}You know, like an afrikanischer... {3162}{3193}-Like this?|-Yeah, yeah, yeah. {3196}{3289}You are watching|Funkyzeit programme with Brüno. {3292}{3372}Yo, man. Fuck, man. Welcome to the jungle. {3385}{3414}Something maybe a bit more crazy. {3417}{3476}Maybe show a bit of skin|or something like that. {3480}{3572}-No, I don't think so.|-Or what about just like one Kugelsack? {3575}{3609}One of the balls? {3619}{3643}No. {3658}{3746}And the most exciting|and amazing thing in the town, {3750}{3874}from the fashion streets of Milan,|only for the German girls, my great hairs. {3877}{3906}Yo, man. {3990}{4045}Modelling, a lot of people think it's easy. {4048}{4107}But it's the hardest job in the world, isn't it? {4111}{4224}It's very hard. Standing in heels all day,|and everyone's watching you, {4227}{4292}so you have to make sure your walk is good.|And, yeah. {4295}{4344}Yeah, it's really hard,|'cause you've gotta remember, like, {4347}{4425}to put your right leg forward|and then put your left leg forward {4428}{4468}and then, like, which one now? {4471}{4569}Right leg again, and then, like, the left one.|And then sometimes you even have to turn. {4572}{4684}Yeah. And especially the turn. It's so scary. {4713}{4755}Being the host from Funkyzeit {4758}{4824}means Brüno's always|seated on the front row. {4857}{4899}Hi. How are you? {4902}{4935}You have to lose some weight. {4938}{5001}-The kettle is calling the pot black.|-Yeah? {5042}{5149}Put your shoulders back.|This is a fashion show, not a slave auction. {5206}{5275}Mein personal assistant,|Kookus, is my rock. {5296}{5329}He's also mein stylist. {5334}{5403}-Do you think the glasses are too much?|-Yeah, I'd lose them. {5406}{5436}They're too much like, "Look at me. {5439}{5489}"Hey, everybody, look at me.|Look at my glasses." {5492}{5530}-Yeah.|-"Everybody, like, stare at my glasses." {5533}{5578}He's also my nutritionist. {5609}{5639}Yeah, that is good. {5642}{5737}I have a second assistant,|but ich can't remember its name. {5756}{5827}Brüno has known true love twice in his life. {5830}{5952}Once, for 7 minutes with Milli from|Milli und Vanilli. No big deal. Whatever. {5973}{6083}But for the last 9 years,|ich have been head über heels in love {6086}{6162}mit a pygmy flight attendant called Diesel. {6178}{6288}We're just like an ordinary couple,|you know, boring, stay-at-home types. {6891}{6990}-Oh, my God. I feel it.|You're getting so big. -Ja. {7077}{7163}-How much do you want?|-Just half a glass. Otherwise I get too giggly. {7187}{7300}In September 2008,|I left for Milan Fashion Week {7303}{7367}to shoot a new season of Funkyzeit. {7386}{7507}Brüno had backstage access for|the hottest show of the week, de la Prada. {7519}{7661}So I wore the jewel of mein wardrobe,|a suit made entirely out of Velcro. {8012}{8038}I'm wearing this. {8041}{8131}This is a prototype.|It's a Velcro suit made by Frederic Worms. {8134}{8158}Pretty cool, right? {8161}{8237}It is. I was looking at it, and can I have one? {8251}{8299}-Well, it's a prototype. It's a one-off.|-Okay. {8302}{8340}-Thank you.|-Yeah. Okay... {8343}{8376}-Also... Yeah.|-Can you go out, please? {8379}{8405}We'll get out, but don't push me. {8409}{8496}Yeah. Okay, no listen.|We haven't finished the thing. {8499}{8525}-You go out now.|-Yeah. {8528}{8560}Yeah, wait a second. {8613}{8652}Take... Get this off... {8683}{8707}Stop! {8911}{8950}-Thank you.|-Can someone help this guy? {8953}{8986}Can you take... {9147}{9244}Wait. Get me out of this.|Get me out of this. {9757}{9807}Brüno was aus. {9852}{9902}For the second time in a century, {9907}{9983}the world had turned|on Austria's greatest man {9993}{10067}just because he was brave enough|to try something new. {10112}{10130}-No.|-Okay. {10136}{10184}Brüno was schwarz-listed. {10189}{10254}-I'm on the front row.|-I don't think so. {10420}{10444}I'm sorry. {10616}{10647}Und worst of all... {10653}{10677}Hello? {10709}{10764}...ich was fired from Funkyzeit. {10848}{10987}Ich realised that night that the fashion world|was superficial und vacuous. {11036}{11168}So, I decided instead to go to Los Angeles|to become a celebrity. {11220}{11359}Ich was going to be|the biggest Austrian superstar since Hitler. {11406}{11448}What? I'm not coming. {11462}{11574}-Why not?|-Because you out. You humiliate me. {11587}{11659}-I'm so sorry I humiliate you.|-Okay. Gotta go. {11688}{11732}Bye, baby, I love you. {11735}{11803}Diesel, I love you. Diesel. {12995}{13036}Ich arrived in LA {13039}{13139}und cunningly avoided|being snapped by the waiting paparazzi. {13142}{13243}No photos, please. Do you want|another Diana on your hands? {13322}{13360}Mein Plan was to become {13363}{13435}the biggest gay movie star|since Schwarzenegger. {13438}{13481}Maximum Santzgaut! {13503}{13619}Also, ich headed to my first meeting|mit a Hollywood über agent. {13643}{13709}So my name's Brüno.|I was born in Klagenfurt. {13712}{13839}I'm 19 years old. And, of course,|you'll know me as the host of Funkyzeit. {13845}{13918}Okay. Well, I understand|that you took a look at a side {13921}{13999}that I wanted you to think about|from the Jerry Maguire show. {14003}{14071}And I wouldn't mind|hearing you try that out. {14074}{14106}Okay, great. {14196}{14237}-"Jerry enters."|-No. {14240}{14300}-"Dorothy seated."|-Just start with the word "hello." {14312}{14363}"Hello. Hello. {14389}{14435}"I'm looking for my wife! {14480}{14556}-"Shut up, women." That was improvisation.|-Fine. {14572}{14672}"I couldn't hear your voice|or laugh about it with you." {15127}{15170}-All right, let me stop... Wait.|-No, wait, wait. I... {15174}{15253}Let me stop for 2 minutes.|Let me stop you right there. {15259}{15321}Nowhere in the script does it say {15331}{15427}he pauses for an inordinate period of time. {15450}{15551}You're here because|you are looking to do feature films. {15554}{15587}I wanna be a star. {15592}{15622}-In?|-In a huge Hollywood movie. {15693}{15714}-Can you make that happen?|-No. {15717}{15744}-What?|-I definitely cannot. {15784}{15908}But he did get me a starring role|in a top TV show as an extra. {15970}{16021}All right, picture's next.|Last looks, please. {16118}{16142}Set. {16145}{16183}-Background.|-Action. {16203}{16234}Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, {16237}{16336}it gives me no pleasure at all|to speak to you this afternoon. {16388}{16434}The defendant, as you know, {16437}{16568}has served our municipality|for more than 12 years as city controller. {16571}{16647}So I was pained to learn that his debts {16650}{16774}compelled him to accept|hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes. {16783}{16855}-Cut!|-Just do a little bit less. {16862}{16894}-More or less?|-Less. {16905}{16938}-Less. Okay.|-Yeah. {16944}{16982}Sure. Thank you. {17082}{17110}-Set.|-Action. {17113}{17138}Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, {17141}{17216}I'm afraid it gives me no pleasure at all|to speak to you this afternoon. {17234}{17302}As you know, the defendant has|served our municipality as city controller {17305}{17337}for more than 12 years, {17350}{17450}and I have known him personally|for most of that time. {17507}{17562}So I was very pained to learn that {17565}{17654}his personal debts|compelled him to accept bribes. {17657}{17686}-Cut!|-Here, I'll take that. {17690}{17718}-Okay.|-Thank you. {17773}{17797}Sorry. {17800}{17833}-Should we just go again?|-Okay. {17863}{17921}As you know, the defendant {17949}{18023}has served this municipality as|city controller for more than 12 years, {18026}{18138}and I have personally known him|for most of that time. {18141}{18197}That is why I was very pained to learn... {18200}{18284}Cut. Sorry, I'm not feeling this one.|Could we go again? {18298}{18327}This way. {18769}{18818}You were actually my second choice. {18821}{18959}I was going to go to the salon that maintains|Salma Hayek's inner thighs, {18978}{19065}but the team that do it were booked up|for the next 4 days {19068}{19110}because she's got the Elle Style Awards. {19120}{19218}And they said they're, like, really,|really exhausted after they do her. {19221}{19290}They're exhausted|after they wax Salma Hayek? {19293}{19339}She must have a lot of hair. {19342}{19432}They say that after a waxing,|there's enough to stuff a mattress. {19450}{19529}Well. Speaking of rectums,|let's get you clean. {19544}{19590}-Okay. There we go.|-There's not much. {19592}{19621}Yeah, sure. {19651}{19677}There you go. Now there's wax in there. {19710}{19746}Telephone. {19749}{19799}-Hello?|-Hey, how you doing, man? {19802}{19841}Lloyd, hi. How are you? {19844}{19915}I just got off the phone with the network.|They've agreed to do a screening. {19918}{19989}Great! Das is all maximum Santzgaut! {19992}{20083}In 2 days. I got them to pay|for a focus group for the show. {20086}{20127}I think you just scraped my anus. {20131}{20162}I did. I got you clean. {20169}{20224}My stinker is slightly burning.|Is that normal? {20228}{20252}What? {20255}{20330}No, that was to the lady who is...|I'm in the salon, yes. {20333}{20378}She's just washing my Arschwitz. {20381}{20458}Is there any way we can get something|together enough to put it on? {20461}{20514}-Okay, sure.|-All right. I'm gonna call them right now. {20519}{20559}Are you using Vaseline? {20562}{20588}No, lotion. {20591}{20663}Could you take your finger|out of my Arschenholer? {20666}{20721}All right. I think, guys, we're finished. {20724}{20795}Once again, "Can you take my finger,|your finger out of my ass," {20798}{20833}is what the guy just said on the phone. {20838}{20906}No, Lloyd, I was not speaking to you.|I was just talking to the woman here. {20909}{20938}Who's got the audio? {20965}{21019}I want to hear the audio back.|I want you to hear... {21022}{21072}I want you to hear what this fool is saying. {21075}{21146}Play it back. Talking about what?|His asshole. {21766}{21803}Can you be quiet? {21874}{21929}Hello, hello. Hey, can you come in? {21932}{21975}Do any of you guys|want to make some more money? {22092}{22129}-Hi. How are you?|-Hi. {22132}{22202}-I'm Brüno. Great to have you here.|-It's nice to meet you. {22204}{22263}Come and sit on our great furniture. {22336}{22393}These are our Mexican chair people. {22410}{22467}Demi Moore has 2 of them in her house. {22476}{22509}Yeah, if you sit here. {22538}{22577}If you sit on that one. {22634}{22698}Also, so tell me about|your humanitarian work. {22739}{22817}How important is it for you|to help other people? {22855}{22915}Helping other people is so vital to my life. {22932}{23037}It's like the air that I breathe|and the water that I drink. {23049}{23148}-Please, have some water.|-It is extremely, extremely important for me. {23151}{23232}You give love to other people|and you get love back in spades. {23235}{23267}And I just feel like that's been my life. {23311}{23365}Great. You must be hungry.|Let's bring in some food. {23394}{23430}Oh, my God. {23457}{23497}-Have some.|-Yeah, this is really bad for me. {23501}{23559}I'm sorry. This is really not good. {23562}{23597}We're leaving. {23604}{23675}Come back, please.|Can you please come back? {23815}{23903}Yes, yes, I understand.|But I was thinking... {23943}{24013}Okay, but... Okay. Okay. {24021}{24063}Yes. Thank you. {24229}{24269}Minimum Santzgaut. {24341}{24365}Puffy Vater? {24425}{24456}Reese Witterspinzel? {24483}{24509}Stevie Wunderbar? {24561}{24591}Wilhelm Schmidt? {24633}{24666}Bradolf Pittler? {25142}{25208}I think this focus group is really gonna be {25212}{25280}a very interesting example|of how it's gonna play out. {25284}{25358}I actually got an interview mit Harrison Ford. {25384}{25419}-Very good. Very good.|-Yes. {25422}{25489}So, you probably already know, today|we're going to be looking at a new TV show, {25492}{25560}A-List Celebrity Max Out mit Brüno. {25567}{25632}-Howdy, I'm Lloyd Robinson.|-Lloyd, Denny Bond. {25635}{25676}Hi. Hi. Great. {25679}{25761}Me und Lloyd, we haven't actually spoke|since the other day {25764}{25825}when I was getting my anus bleached. {25894}{25922}We won't go there, please. {25925}{25967}-We won't go there. Yeah.|-That was a very {25970}{26002}difficult issue on the phone. {26007}{26056}And it's very important|what scores you give it, {26060}{26117}because if the show scores over an 85%,, {26120}{26189}the network's obviously gonna be|very interested. So take a look. {26207}{26244}-Absolutely.|-Congratulations. {26261}{26362}Who's ready to max out|with loads of celebrities? I am. {26378}{26479}Because das ist A-List Celebrity Max Out. {26828}{26876}-How are you?|-Great. Thank you for having me. {26879}{26920}Okay, so this is the part of the show, {26923}{26972}it's called Future Kinder.|People who are pregnant, {26975}{27013}we've managed to get the ultrasound photos. {27017}{27041}-It's totally great.|-Okay. {27044}{27128}Okay, it is Britney's sister.|I can't even remember her name. {27131}{27172}-What's her name?|-Jamie Lynn. {27175}{27236}Jamie Lynn Spears.|I mean, is she a celebrity? {27239}{27263}No. {27326}{27412}Okay, let's see|what she's got in her stomach. {27435}{27507}All right. What do you think there?|Is that a white-trash foetus? {27510}{27541}Yeah. Totally. {27545}{27596}She's got her arms up like she's a A-lister. {27601}{27680}Newsflash, you're in a C-lister's womb.|Am I right? {27683}{27728}Worse. I think, like, D. {27734}{27776}Do you think this kid is retarded? {27783}{27826}Definitely the hands look way too big, {27829}{27884}and the ears, like,|have not been developed yet. {27887}{27959}-Yeah, so keep it or abort it?|-Abort it. {28012}{28118}Und now, my exclusive interview|mit Harrison Ford {28141}{28263}is only moments away.|But first, some more dancing mit Brüno. {28512}{28596}That's right.|It's the time you've all been waiting for. {28600}{28760}It's my one-on-one,|exclusive interview mit Harrison Ford. {28793}{28848}-Also, here I am mit Harrison Ford.|-Fuck off! {28895}{28917}What's that? {29253}{29282}That's actually mine. {29316}{29341}-More champagne?|-No, I'm fine, thanks. {29473}{29499}Brüno! {29637}{29679}The end bit was Lloyd's idea. {29698}{29741}The last bit was? Lloyd's? {29804}{29881}So if you could|describe this show in one sentence... {29891}{29936}Can anybody give me one sentence? {29939}{30002}-Go ahead.|-The worst piece of crap I have ever seen. {30009}{30073}There's always one who's against it. Those... {30076}{30111}In any group, there's always one. {30114}{30183}What sick human being came up|with something like this? {30186}{30240}Well, there's always 2.|There's always 2. {30243}{30314}I wanted to poke my eyes out|with hot needles. {30317}{30363}You'd have to borrow the needles from me. {30378}{30412}Lloyd, we need to distract him {30415}{30451}-from listening to this.|-You can't. You can't. {30454}{30490}-We need to distract him.|-You can't. {30493}{30520}-Kiss me.|-No. {30523}{30597}No logical person|would consider a show like this {30600}{30693}unless they had|some sort of a mental or moral defect. {30704}{30733}Everything. {30817}{30841}Oh, my God. {30852}{30891}Let me have a look at those. {30894}{30966}"The host is a talentless idiot." {30981}{31041}Is this the dancing of a talentless idiot? {31135}{31166}-I would say that it is.|-Yeah, yeah. {31175}{31207}Please, where you going? {31210}{31278}Please, this is my career.|I put all my money into this. {32176}{32247}I'm here with Congressman Ron Paul, {32250}{32326}who was the 2008 presidential candidate. {32351}{32413}So tell me, who are you wearing? {32427}{32506}Well, I don't even know|because it's pretty conventional. {32510}{32587}And I'm pretty, in that sense, pretty ordinary. {32590}{32635}But the message is not ordinary. {32777}{32802}Sure. {33008}{33075}-Do you want some champagne?|-I don't care for any. No. {33078}{33149}There's no ice bucket,|but I know a good place to put it. {33194}{33275}Yeah, you were great in there.|Have you done a lot of television before? {33280}{33375}Well, off and on throughout the years.|This last year, a tremendous amount. {33379}{33418}-Sure.|-I do a lot of them. {33433}{33467}Do you want some strawberries {33470}{33524}-or maybe some oysters?|-No, I'm okay. {33531}{33583}I'm gonna light some candles if it's okay. {33620}{33654}Really loosens you up. {33698}{33762}Has anyone ever told you|you look like Enrique Iglesias? {33824}{33873}Of course not. You're much cuter. {33994}{34018}I love music. {34102}{34152}And dancing. I used to be a dancer. {34618}{34675}-All right! Get out of here!|-What? {34694}{34738}-All right, this has ended.|-What's going on? {34750}{34852}That guy is queerer than the blazes.|He took his clothes off. Let's get going. {34857}{34906}-What happened?|-He's queer. He's crazy. {34909}{34952}He put a hit on me. He took his clothes off. {34955}{35016}I couldn't even schtupp RuPaul. {35031}{35081}How would I become weltfamous? {35089}{35186}Ich decided to seek advice|from the wisest guy I'd ever known. {35190}{35239}I wanna speak to Milli {35243}{35318}from the pop dance group Milli und Vanilli. {35343}{35458}Is he in heaven?|And if so, is he in the VIP section there? {35543}{35624}He says he's in a place|with green trees and flowers. {35642}{35718}Can I ask him if he has any advice for me? {35812}{35950}He says there's some sort of thing that you|will set up, like a foundation or something, {35953}{36034}where there will be other people involved|that will benefit. {36048}{36174}Okay, that's a great idea, 'cause if I do that,|then I'll definitely become world famous. {36182}{36209}Absolutely. {36212}{36305}There's something that he could do|that could make me incredibly happy. {36321}{36367}-Can I kiss him now?|-Of course. {38254}{38285}Well, good luck with your life. {38351}{38418}Thanks to Milli,|ich could now see clearly {38423}{38472}despite having an eyeful of Schpunken. {38487}{38557}Charity was a great way to become famous. {38571}{38691}Also, Brüno just needed to find|the hottest world tragedy to fix. {38694}{38765}I want a charity that doesn't involve|too much effort, {38768}{38881}but is gonna really make a difference,|you know, really put me into the A-list. {38884}{38955}Is there something that you, like,|that you believe in? {38958}{38996}Well, I'm really into issues. {38999}{39070}Yeah. Global warming's only getting worse. {39073}{39096}-So...|-Great. {39100}{39160}Now, I think that would be...|That's something to get involved now, {39163}{39256}so, we can just help ease the... {39259}{39334}Like, after us, in order to help for our future. {39337}{39429}In order for everyone... It's just|a beneficial thing to be involved with now. {39443}{39512}I'm really into doing something|maybe for Africa. {39516}{39562}-Okay.|-Is that still cool or... {39566}{39674}Saving some kind of extinct animal.|What's going extinct right now? {39684}{39737}-I don't know, like elephants or something.|-And then make bracelets? {39740}{39821}That's so bad. Never mind.|I was gonna say make bracelets out of a... {39824}{39891}Make bracelets out of the extinct animal? {39894}{39947}That's not gonna really work though,|because you need the... {39950}{40002}You can't take from the extinct animal. {40090}{40176}What's the coolest type of charity|to get into at the moment? {40211}{40252}Save Dafar? {40273}{40305}-Save what?|-Save Dafar. {40308}{40347}-Save Dafar, yeah.|-Angelina Jolie. {40350}{40404}Is that in, like, Iraqi or something like that? {40407}{40454}Yeah, that's in the... It's in... Yeah. {40457}{40481}Yeah. {40484}{40593}Is there anywhere in the world|that no celebrity has tried to fix? {40596}{40644}Darfur is the big one now. {40648}{40707}-Yeah, no, it is.|-What's the new one? What's Dar-five? {40714}{40739}-Yeah.|-Yeah. {40773}{40845}Ich was going to become famous|by solving a world problem. {40848}{40874}But which one? {40919}{40958}Clooney's got Darfur. {40961}{41056}Sting's got the Amazon,|and Bono's got AIDS. {41084}{41170}Luckily, there was still one shithole|left to fix, {41189}{41219}the Middle-earth. {41251}{41392}Mein Plan was to get both sides to sign|a peace deal in front of the world's press, {41400}{41451}making Brüno über famous. {41519}{41574}Hi, I love your hat. It's great. {41890}{41932}Hey, great. Is that Marc Jacobs? {42028}{42060}Lutz! Lutz! Start the car! {42090}{42114}Lutz! {42239}{42319}Why are you so anti-hummus? {42337}{42407}I mean, isn't pita bread the real enemy? {42420}{42481}You're confusing Hamas|with hummus, I believe. {42502}{42532}-Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas.|-Do you think {42535}{42592}there is a relation|between Hamas and hummus? {42595}{42675}So was the founder of Hamas a chef? {42697}{42820}He had created the food|and then got lots of followers. {42823}{42966}Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas.|It's a food. Okay? We eat it. They eat it. {42976}{43044}It's vegetarian. It's healthy. It's beans. {43084}{43136}Well, do you both agree on that? {43159}{43226}We both agree that hummus is very healthy. {43233}{43280}So we're making progress. {43311}{43359}Let's try and get a solution, right? {43363}{43472}'Cause I'm not gonna be here forever.|Will you, the Palestinians, {43483}{43597}agree to give the pyramids back|to the Israelis? {43608}{43652}This is in Egypt. Not in Palestine. {43664}{43741}I don't care where you put them.|Give them back. {43773}{43861}This is about gaining something|for your own people {43864}{43955}whether you believe it,|whether you were convinced to do that. {43959}{44012}-But in any case...|-All right, okay. Take it easy, girlfriend. {44015}{44043}-All right.|-Civil rights... {44046}{44127}If I did not get these queens|to sign a peace deal soon, {44131}{44172}I would not become famous. {44184}{44288}So I decided to think outside|the Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung. {44303}{44424}I've written a song that I think|is gonna help us make peace. {44441}{44477}In fact, I know it will. {44524}{44565}I've written a song {44582}{44702}that I hope is gonna bring you two together {44767}{44855}It's time for this war to end {44859}{44939}Jews and Hindus, you be friends {44950}{45008}This is the Middle East {45011}{45103}Creating love is my mission {45107}{45147}Don't kill each other {45150}{45206}Shoot a Christian {45302}{45392}Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace {45464}{45535}Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace {45628}{45698}Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace {46014}{46042}Yeah, a bit more than that. {46045}{46097}Ich was out of options. {46100}{46209}My song hadn't worked, und I didn't have|enough ecstasy for everyone. {46212}{46287}Ich was ready to give up|when I suddenly remembered something {46290}{46329}that the Jude had said. {46340}{46397}In the last few years,|people were kidnapped, {46401}{46493}and then they would|broadcast it to the whole world. {46496}{46530}-To the whole world?|-Yeah. {46533}{46572}So what, the whole world gets to see {46575}{46610}-these hostage videos?|-Of course. Of course. {46738}{46820}Ich would become famous|by getting kidnapped. {46913}{47008}I am going to say something|that is gonna get you so angry {47020}{47084}that if you've got a gun on you,|you're gonna pull it out {47087}{47164}-and shoot me in the head. Are you ready?|-Yeah. {47181}{47243}Your hair is sun damaged. {47342}{47410}I'll be honest with you. I want to be famous. {47413}{47549}And I want the best guys in the business|to kidnap me. Al-Qaeda is so 2001. {47576}{47611}I don't like. {47617}{47679}Can I give you guys a word of advice? {47692}{47776}Lose the beards, because your King Osama {47779}{47883}looks like a kind of dirty wizard|or a homeless Santa. {48247}{48294}Get out. Get out now. {48304}{48369}Ich was encouraged|to leave the Middle East. {48369}{48371}Ich was encouraged|to leave the Middle East. {48380}{48426}But Brüno had a new plan. {48429}{48485}It involved stopping off in Africa {48488}{48553}on the way home for a little bit of shopping. {49744}{49809}Mein little afrikanischer|Freund was going to get me {49812}{49870}on the cover of every magazine. {49894}{49949}Also, ich hired a top photographer {49952}{50036}und held a casting for|the hottest baby photo shoot ever. {50075}{50146}We're gonna do like this religious theme {50149}{50258}where my baby is gonna be|on a crucifix playing Jesus {50261}{50302}even though my baby's black.|So it's pretty cool, no? {50306}{50353}That's cool.|It's kind of like that Madonna video. {50357}{50407}Yeah, it's really edgy.|You know, we're turning it on its head. {50410}{50449}Why not? Come on. Whatever. {50452}{50562}So. We're looking for 2 thieves|to be on the crucifixes next to my baby. {50565}{50670}Would you be ready for your baby|to be strung up on a crucifix next to mine? {50673}{50738}Fine. Yeah, I don't mind her|being up on a crucifix. {50741}{50765}Sure. {50770}{50859}Is your baby comfortable with bees,|wasps and hornets? {50862}{50918}George is comfortable with everything.|He's fine. {50921}{50990}Is he comfortable with dead|or dying animals? {51025}{51050}Yes. {51068}{51095}Great. {51113}{51146}Amateur science? {51149}{51174}What do you mean by that? {51177}{51313}You know, some untrained people|conducting scientific experiments. {51328}{51352}-Should be fine.|-You know, {51354}{51400}her mixing the pots of acid and that type... {51405}{51439}-Okay.|-And so it's a yes. {51442}{51472}-Yes.|-Great. {51476}{51546}Is she okay with|extremely rapid acceleration? {51565}{51590}Yes. {51596}{51620}-Okay.|-Yes. {51624}{51698}Does she always have to be in a car seat,|or can she just, like, freestyle it? {51701}{51764}Yeah. You can freestyle it,|put her in a car seat. Whatever. {51767}{51805}If it looks better without the car seat... {51808}{51833}Of course. Of course. {51836}{51909}So what? You're travelling fast.|You're not gonna kill it. {51912}{51945}Of course. Of course. {51948}{52025}Is your baby fine|with antiquated heavy machinery? {52038}{52097}Yeah, she's fine. She's been around that. {52100}{52150}Would she be fine to operate them? {52153}{52186}-Yes.|-Great. {52198}{52266}Is your baby fine with lit phosphorus? {52273}{52297}Yes. {52300}{52343}Excellent. Does he like it? {52354}{52396}-Loves it.|-Good. {52406}{52482}A little sensitive subject here.|How much does she weigh? {52485}{52537}She's about 30 pounds. {52544}{52613}-Thirty pounds.|-Yes. Approximately. {52627}{52695}Can Olivia lose 10 pounds in the next week? {52705}{52757}In the next week, 7 days. {52798}{52863}Yeah. I'd have to do whatever I could. {52866}{52904}If there's a problem losing the weight, {52907}{52988}would you be ready to have Olivia|undergo liposuction? {52995}{53066}If that was a last resort|and she didn't lose the few pounds, {53069}{53126}then, yeah, we'd have to do that. {53142}{53184}Great. Fantastisch news. {53188}{53301}We have chosen your baby|to be dressed as a Nazi officer {53317}{53442}pushing a wheelbarrow with another baby|as a Jew in it into an oven. {53453}{53488}Into an oven? {53494}{53547}Congratulations. How do you feel? {53550}{53612}-Great, if she got the job. That's great.|-Yeah. {54436}{54483}O.J., you're going to be on television. {55158}{55210}Welcome back to Today with Richard Bey. {55214}{55313}Now, our next guest is a single parent.|Please welcome Brüno. {55566}{55621}Where are you from? {55630}{55655}I'm from Austria. {55658}{55751}Austria. And what are your impressions|of the American people? {55754}{55782}You see a lot of them out here. {55785}{55882}I gotta say, I love American people,|and I love African-American people. {55885}{55952}You're the best. You guys are the best. {55998}{56062}All right, all right.|Now, you are a single parent. {56069}{56097}-Yeah.|-Most people think that a child {56100}{56131}should have 2 parents. {56134}{56210}It is, like, really difficult, you know, {56214}{56292}bringing up a child without another parent.|Am I right? {56295}{56322}-Right.|-Right. {56325}{56411}I'm hoping that I don't grow old alone.|Am I right? {56414}{56438}True that. True that. {56441}{56502}I'm hoping that I find Mr. Right. Am I right? {56506}{56529}-No!|-No! {56558}{56597}No, no, no. {56616}{56682}Well, honey, you need to get it together.|Sugar, you're lost and confused. {56685}{56718}-All right, now...|-Listen, you're just jealous {56721}{56761}'cause you know I can get any guy here. {56764}{56795}Go get them! {56991}{57026}You brought your son here today? {57033}{57092}-That's right.|-Can we see your son? {57110}{57136}Yeah, sure. {57139}{57192}No. No. {57201}{57238}All right, this is... {57451}{57481}-What?|-Where did they allow you {57485}{57538}to get your baby from?|Is your baby from Australia? {57541}{57614}I was in the Middle East, like,|solving the crisis there. {57617}{57657}No big deal. Whatever. {57660}{57730}And I flew back here to America, {57733}{57823}und I stopped over in this country|called Africa, right? {57827}{57900}Africa is a continent, not a country, baby.|Get it right. {57903}{57947}Well, it is full of African-Americans. {57950}{58032}It's full of Africans.|It's full of people of African descent. {58035}{58113}No. That's a racist thing to call them.|African-Americans is the right word. {58118}{58158}No. African-Americans are here. {58195}{58234}No, they're called|African-Americans, girlfriend. {58237}{58262}No, fool. {58266}{58317}All right.|So how did you find your son? {58320}{58344}I swapped him. {58347}{58384}-You swapped him?|-What? {58418}{58467}Swapped the baby for what? {58470}{58510}-For an iPod.|-What? {58568}{58592}Not just any iPod. {58595}{58690}One that was, like, limited edition, red.|A U2 iPod. Heard of it? {58714}{58809}All right, but wait a second.|You are the baby's father now. {58812}{58900}And you chose to dress that baby up|in a T-shirt that says what? {58903}{58928}Gayby. {58931}{58980}That's not the baby's name, is it? {58983}{59047}No. I gave him, like,|a traditional African name. {59053}{59089}So what's the baby's name? {59092}{59115}O.J. {59219}{59248}Stand up, please. {59251}{59312}I think you're using him as an accessory. {59316}{59403}I think maybe because he's a black baby|that might be your cue, {59406}{59472}like how some people walk in the park|with dogs to pick up girls, {59475}{59514}that might be your cue|to get maybe a down-low brother. {59517}{59562}I don't know. What do you think? {59565}{59624}I gotta be honest. He's a real dick magnet. {59671}{59748}You brought some photographs|that you took with the child because... {59751}{59808}I guess to demonstrate|how much you love the child. {59811}{59856}We're going to put them up on this screen. {59859}{59903}That's the first shot. {60016}{60065}Let's see the next picture. {60219}{60259}You're gonna burn in hell for that one. {60262}{60288}That's some mess. {60292}{60373}All right. Do we have another photo,|or is that the last one? {60376}{60409}There we go. {60443}{60480}What is going on here? {60483}{60564}If I'm having fun,|I want little O.J. to come with me. {60571}{60625}I want him to have fun with me. {60671}{60724}Hold on. Hold on. What's that? {60753}{60777}-What is that?|-Someone's scared. {60781}{60828}-You're making the audience leave.|-They are scared of the truth. {60831}{60895}Yes, ma'am? Stand up, please. Go ahead. {60919}{61035}Listen, I don't see how you can even walk|out of here with that baby in your hands {61038}{61139}without someone stopping you|and taking that baby out of your possession. {61142}{61220}All right, well, you know,|there is a finale to this talk show. {61223}{61332}Please welcome Shatonya Miggins|from the State Child Services Department. {61416}{61451}Take the baby. {61514}{61587}What would be the opinion,|the legal opinion of the state, {61590}{61699}which is empowered to look after children|and their welfare? {61706}{61759}This child is here illegally. {61762}{61822}No, it's not. I made a deal with the mother. {61825}{61905}And at this time, we're taking the child|into protective custody. {61908}{61991}-You are not doing that. You're not taking...|-The child is going... {62005}{62055}Get off me. That is my baby. {62084}{62147}Give him back! Give me my baby back! {62150}{62198}Give me my baby! Give him back! {62201}{62233}Come on! Back! {62256}{62291}Give me my baby back! {62295}{62364}O.J.! Give me my baby! Give me my... {62423}{62475}Give me my baby! O.J.! {62517}{62547}O.J.! {62866}{62962}O.J.! Give me my baby back! {63276}{63315}You want some pie today? {63319}{63393}Yeah. I haven't had any carbs for 15 years, {63396}{63447}since I was, you know, 4 years old. {63450}{63498}-Since you was 4?|-Yeah. {63512}{63557}Is that your boy? He's pretty. {63561}{63612}That was my boy.|He got taken away today. {63615}{63698}I'm so sorry. Gosh.|What is he, about 2? {63705}{63805}I think he was about, I don't know, 6 or... {63809}{63844}-Was he? Was he about that age?|-I don't know. {63847}{63925}He could've been a midget.|So he could have been 10. {65562}{65643}Good morning, cowboy. What's your name? {65662}{65688}Lutz. {65963}{66010}Get that out of my face. {66019}{66070}Move that out of my... No, Lutz. {66073}{66122}Hello? Engineering. {66132}{66196}Hello, I apologise for the state of the room. {66198}{66280}But can I assure you,|the toilet is absolutely spotless. {66315}{66366}Can you look?|The key, I think, is over there, just... {66370}{66407}No, I can't do this. {66410}{66486}Yeah, Brian, I need you up here|on 20 immediately. {66494}{66552}Well, no, it's 2 guys|handcuffed together on a bed. {66555}{66644}And there's some contraption|with a dildo on the end of it. {66657}{66717}And they're asking...|They've been staying at the hotel for a while {66720}{66808}and wanted to know if I can get the key|for them because they can't get out of bed. {66812}{66864}I'm pretty freaking flipping right now. {66895}{66944}-Come in.|-Can you tell me what's going on? {66947}{67020}You were not meant to see this.|You find the key, I can get out of this. {67023}{67056}Now, can you just look under that shelf... {67059}{67132}No. This is not what was|supposed to be going on in here. {67135}{67164}You're telling me, honey. {67167}{67263}I should be chained to a 6'4" Norwegian|with a PhD in sucking dick. {67266}{67290}That's not my concern. {67332}{67356}Okay, well, listen, one other thing. {67359}{67458}Can you switch off the television?|Because I made a fart, {67461}{67549}and I am on the verge of buying|Mr. Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium. {67552}{67589}That's unfortunate. {67593}{67674}No, but I refuse to pay|for Mr. Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium. {67677}{67714}I did not press it. {67717}{67756}No, I'm afraid we are not|gonna be doing that. {67759}{67831}Hey, listen, you. What's your name?|Hi. What's your name? {67834}{67870}-No, don't even talk to me.|-You're cute. {67873}{67929}You're like a Latino Paul Giamatti. {67933}{67979}-Hey, don't talk to me. I'm not talking to you.|-Hey, girlfriend. {68063}{68122}Also, great. Maybe they can let us out. {68164}{68256}Excuse me, can you unlock us? Please.|Hello? Can you unlock us? {68279}{68311}Please, can you unlock us? {68314}{68377}Please. My assistant's about to shit|on my balls. {68741}{68767}What's going on here? {68770}{68810}What does it look like, Paul Blart? {68946}{68971}Brüno. {69722}{69749}Brüno. {71128}{71229}Ich was at a low point.|Brüno had hit rock Arsch. {71252}{71363}Lutz had gone, und ich had only|9 Freunds left on MeinSpace. {71459}{71508}Lutz! Lutz! {71686}{71759}I was about to give up|on my dream of celebrity, {71778}{71825}when suddenly it hit me. {71905}{71981}All the most famous stars in the world, {71984}{72143}Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kevin Spacey,|they all had one thing in common. {72166}{72211}They were all straight. {72312}{72412}To become famous,|I would have to quit guys. {72423}{72511}Ich just needed to find|a cock-aholics anonymous. {72620}{72714}Things have got to change.|I want to become straight. {72745}{72801}-Awesome.|-Once I'm straight, {72804}{72852}can I still play the clarinet? {72882}{72981}If it doesn't remind you|about some of the behaviour {72985}{73053}that you engaged in|when you put your lips around it. {73056}{73124}If it doesn't remind you of that,|then I say go for it {73127}{73188}and play the clarinet|with everything inside of you. {73191}{73297}If it does remind you of that,|then I say put it down, {73300}{73405}give it away, let a friend hold it|until you know in your mind {73408}{73482}you're ready to pick it up again|and it wouldn't remind you of that. {73485}{73603}Und what about if|I put a flute up my stinker? {73619}{73729}That... I wouldn't do that either because it|would remind you of the former lifestyle. {73732}{73833}So you don't put any woodwind|instruments up your Arschwitz. {73836}{73906}-Absolutely not. You know why?|-Why? {73909}{73985}Because that would harm my body.|That would hurt... {73989}{74045}-Only if you lose the reed.|-Okay. {74053}{74094}Well, that would... That would be bad. {74097}{74180}Is there any music that I shouldn't listen to?|Any bands? {74189}{74254}Sinead O'Connor. The Indigo Girls. {74299}{74346}Of course, the Village People. {74349}{74421}When I become straight,|you know, a Kuntmeister, {74429}{74495}are there any new hobbies|that I should take up? {74498}{74581}-Do you enjoy hiking? Lifting weights?|-Sure. {74584}{74626}Man, there's nothing like just working out {74629}{74707}and lifting weights|and building your muscles {74710}{74798}around some other men who are not gay. {75003}{75120}I'm totally irresistible to gay guys.|They see me und they want to schtupp me. {75127}{75202}-Right.|-So how do I protect against those guys? {75208}{75291}If they get close to you,|hit them and leave the situation. {75294}{75346}How do you spot the homosexual? {75349}{75378}Very hard to do. {75382}{75483}Because some of them don't even dress|no different than myself or you. {75494}{75527}-Amazing.|-You know? {75530}{75582}It's kind of like terrorists. {75587}{75674}If a terrorist has infiltrated|a police department {75677}{75748}and he dresses like the policemen,|how would you know that's him? {75751}{75803}What are obvious things|that we can look for? {75806}{75908}Obvious is a person that's being|extremely nice to them to start with. {75916}{76023}So if someone approaches you in the street|und is being very, very nice to you, {76026}{76068}you know that they are a homosexual? {76071}{76103}Most likely. {76115}{76234}How should I protect myself|from being attacked by homosexuals? {76239}{76339}They probably would attack from behind. {76362}{76423}So, again, if I am a homosexual, {76427}{76493}and I'm just trying to run in und kiss you... {76505}{76580}-Boom! You done moved in the wrong range.|-Right. {76585}{76649}Let's say the homosexual|has got you on the ground. {76652}{76678}Okay. {76681}{76750}Und the homosexual, you know,|has got you down here. {76753}{76782}-Right.|-I go to pull this down. {76785}{76870}-I want to lock this, lock this leg here.|-Touching. {76873}{76910}-Yeah.|-Hit with the elbow. {76913}{76949}Boom. As I roll across. {76952}{77002}How do you protect yourself from a dildo? {77005}{77044}So let's say I'm trying... {77047}{77086}Here, you know. {77126}{77163}Like that. You know? {77166}{77210}Und disarm the dildo? {77213}{77238}Yes. {77252}{77320}Is it harder to defend against a black dildo? {77323}{77357}-No.|-Great. {77360}{77442}One is just as easy as the other|to defend against. {77449}{77497}-So, I'm attacking.|-Boom. {77522}{77586}-Like that.|-Let's say I go down and I... {77601}{77669}Trap it, work the knees. Work the elbows. {77689}{77754}How do you defend yourself|against the man with 2 dildos? {77757}{77817}Coming in. Here. Boom. {77822}{77922}Depending on his range. Boom.|Then to his face. Boom. {77971}{78034}Okay? Kick around, boom. {78078}{78109}He can't do nothing from there. {78112}{78181}And if he's just running|with his pants down? {78199}{78272}Here. Boom. And then to the eyes. {78282}{78325}-Homosexual attacking your bum.|-Leg here. {78328}{78421}And then come in and break his arm.|Take it here, take him out. {78424}{78497}Break his arms. Boom, break his ribs.|Break his arms. {78500}{78566}Okay. Thank you very much. Fantastisch. {78569}{78604}-Okay.|-It's very useful. {78607}{78689}That's just totally different than|what I've ever tried to, you know, work with. {78735}{78779}So you were never gay? {78801}{78883}It's ironic that you should have|amazing blow job lips. {78935}{79013}Well, these lips were made to praise Jesus. {79034}{79112}No, they were made for something else,|but you're just not using it for them. {79116}{79146}Well... {79149}{79202}Are there any activities you suggest {79205}{79270}where I'll be surrounded|just by straight guys? {79363}{79454}-Let's go! Let's go!|-Let's go! Let's go! {79547}{79590}-Push ups! Sit ups!|-Push ups! Sit ups! {79645}{79697}-Hurry up. Get in here.|-Was? {79706}{79767}Make this bed. Hurry up. Make the bed. {79770}{79812}But do you have something,|maybe a double... {79815}{79843}Make the bed! {79847}{79914}Could you hold the sheet over there? {79917}{79940}I'm not holding anything. {79943}{79974}-Get down. Get down.|-Was? {79977}{80030}I said, get down! Do push ups. {80035}{80101}This line right here is|a line that you don't cross. {80104}{80162}This is TAC Alley. TAC Officer's... {80166}{80219}You're in it again. This is my alley. {80222}{80250}I don't want to be in your alley. {80253}{80329}Yeah, well, get out of it.|Your finger's in my alley. {80343}{80372}Not yet. {80443}{80512}By the way, where's your uniform?|Go get your uniform on. {80515}{80542}Do it! {80567}{80600}Oh, my gosh. {80634}{80663}What's up with the scarf? {80704}{80728}That is, like, it's my own thing. {80731}{80788}Let me introduce you to somebody.|Captain Miles. {80791}{80831}Candidate, what are you doing? {80834}{80873}Stand at the position of attention, candidate. {80876}{80936}-Do it! Do it!|-Head and eyes straight forward, candidate. {80939}{80998}Head and eyes straight forward.|Stand still, candidate. {81001}{81029}That is not part of the uniform, candidate.|You need to take that off. {81073}{81130}This outfit is too matchy-matchy as it is, {81133}{81225}and so I was just trying to break it up|with some simple horizontal lines. {81228}{81295}Do you have an attitude, candidate?|Do we detect an attitude? {81298}{81382}-Sir, she's got an attitude.|-What? {81386}{81444}Sir Officer Candidate,|did you just call me "she"? {81447}{81495}-Get down, candidate! Now!|-Do it! {81498}{81549}What type belt is that, candidate? {81552}{81582}What is that? {81585}{81628}-D&G.|-What is D&G? {81632}{81679}Dolce und Gabbana. Hello? {81682}{81707}-"Hello"?|-"Hello"? {81710}{81745}-Front in the rest position.|-Get down, you! {81752}{81846}Sir Officer Candidate,|you deserve a medal for exceptional skin. {81864}{81918}What are you talking...|What are you trying to say, candidate? {81922}{82037}Sir Officer Candidate, you could be a general|in the Bitch Army the way you're going. {82041}{82082}-Did you use profanity again?|-Did you use profanity? {82085}{82113}But you're being really nasty. {82116}{82207}The OC guide states that I will not|use profanity while I'm at OCS. {82210}{82274}Yes, mein Führer. Yes, Officer Candidate. {82277}{82330}-Hurry up!|-Hurry up! Let's go! {82353}{82387}-Yeah, this is mine.|-You better help your buddy. {82479}{82526}Get out of my TAC Alley. {82551}{82578}Get out of my TAC Alley. {82659}{82714}-Hurry up! Hurry up!|-Move over there! {82839}{82872}-Salute!|-Salute with your right hand. {82876}{82901}Salute with your right hand. {82904}{82945}-That's not a salute.|-That's not a salute. {82949}{82973}That's not a salute. {83014}{83087}Can I tell you about the person|that changed my life? {83090}{83135}Was it Karl Lagerfeld? {83143}{83246}No, actually, his name is Jesus.|Jesus is in this room right now. {83249}{83327}He never leaves us. He never forsakes us.|He's here. {83336}{83363}Amazing. {83366}{83403}That's exactly right. He's amazing. {83406}{83494}You want to be famous.|You'll be one that's so famous, Brüno, {83497}{83583}you will prepare the way|for other young men all over the world {83586}{83680}who want to come out of the homosexual|lifestyle and make a change in their lives. {83683}{83751}And they'll say, "If Brüno can do it,|then I can do it. {83754}{83806}"How did he change?|How did you change, Brüno?" {83809}{83876}And they'll say, "It's Jesus. He changed me." {83879}{83928}But he wants to come into|your heart right now. {83931}{83986}Are you ready to make that change? {83989}{84035}Are you hitting on me? {84060}{84093}No, I'm not. {84112}{84221}Okay, good, 'cause I just...|That was, like, really hot, that whole speech. {84263}{84308}Are there any outdoor activities {84312}{84392}that I should do|if I want to become straight? {84398}{84431}Absolutely. {84447}{84479}-Hi.|-Hello. {84562}{84597}-Mike. Brüno.|-Brüno. {84609}{84633}Hey. Great. {84636}{84675}-I'm Donny.|-Brüno. {84698}{84726}Robert. {84734}{84786}-You ever been hunting?|-I've never killed an animal. {84836}{84865}Although, I did once|suffocate a hamster in Mykonos. {84976}{85068}The women, eh? Do you prefer the vagina|or the mammary glands? {85098}{85152}-I prefer the vagina.|-Me, too. {85162}{85215}I love a woman with a vagina. {85219}{85244}Yeah. {85259}{85287}My favourite. {85290}{85332}Didn't see anything. {85353}{85411}We were just talking about vaginas. {85416}{85440}About what? {85443}{85489}Vaginas. The woman's vagina. {85561}{85644}Sharing stories|and saying how much we enjoy them. {85647}{85675}Yes. {85683}{85723}Really fantastisch. {85736}{85782}Really wonderful things. {85809}{85847}It's my favourite. {85985}{86024}This is wonderful. {86074}{86119}This is what rabbit look like. {86261}{86359}Look at the 4 of us.|We are so like the Sex and the City girls. {86386}{86433}No, we aren't, either. {86461}{86502}Which one are you, Donny? {86505}{86564}I ain't any one of them. I'm Donny. {86594}{86655}That is such a Samantha thing to say. {86758}{86831}I've never been|out of the city before. {86834}{86904}You haven't? How's it feel? {86918}{86965}I feel a bit vulnerable. {87015}{87098}You know, I'm 19 years old,|I've got a perfect body. {87124}{87208}You know, I really don't want to wake up|tomorrow morning und find {87238}{87294}that I'm torn in my Arschenholer. {87366}{87421}You probably ain't the only one. {87432}{87476}Me, either, definitely. {87513}{87575}There's so many stars in the sky. {87598}{87633}Full of them. {87662}{87737}Makes you think of|all the hot guys in the world. {88426}{88487}Do we all share one tent|or what's more sensible? {88491}{88522}I hope not. {90082}{90126}All right, God damn it. {90205}{90269}Reverend BJ found me|too much of a handful {90272}{90317}and put me in touch with one of his chums. {90350}{90389}You look decent in that. {90437}{90475}Look like a straight guy, how's that? {90542}{90585}Women are good for us. {90622}{90687}They're good even though {90690}{90773}they appear to us|to be terribly conventional. {90787}{90878}And we find that somewhat irritating {90925}{90985}that they complain so much. {91007}{91054}-Right.|-But we need that. {91066}{91149}We need many of the things {91163}{91300}that, at first glance,|are annoying and irritating. {91329}{91405}And women often don't stick to the point. {91408}{91519}They're often talking about one thing|and then another and then another, {91530}{91621}and they never get back to the first point|maybe ever. {91656}{91773}I am repulsed by the idea|of making the sex with a woman. {91806}{91921}The important thing is to be around women, {91924}{92030}somewhat, that you find tolerable|or interesting {92046}{92116}and give them a chance to seduce you. {92283}{92320}How did you get into it? {92324}{92349}We, actually, our first time was on our... {92380}{92421}-Our honeymoon.|-Yeah. {92425}{92524}Of all nights for us to swing,|the first time was for our honeymoon. {92565}{92625}Und what is your favourite position? {92651}{92721}That would be missionary or reverse cowgirl. {92734}{92783}What's reverse cowgirl? {92803}{92839}Show me. I'll pretend to be the woman. {92842}{92866}Like, I'm sitting here, and... {92869}{92956}Yeah, and so, if I'm the woman...|Don't worry. Yeah, so what? {92960}{92986}You'd be sitting like that, {92989}{93045}-and that's called reverse cowgirl.|-Right. Right. {93048}{93115}And then when you're facing me,|that's called cowgirl. {93134}{93198}This one here is cowgirl or reverse cowgirl? {93202}{93229}This is cowgirl. {93232}{93296}And then when you're turned|the opposite way, it's reverse cowgirl. {93436}{93474}Und what other positions are there? {93477}{93530}-Power driver.|-Right. {93533}{93561}69. {93564}{93601}But this is the girl's position. {93632}{93664}You don't want to be like this|if you're a guy. {93668}{93715}There's missionary, doggy style. {93718}{93747}So what's doggy style like? {93750}{93809}You'd be bent over, like a dog does it. {93813}{93845}Yeah. Like that? {93848}{93896}All right, and then|what would you be doing? {93899}{93935}If you was a woman,|I would be humping you. {93938}{93979}-No, show me.|-I'm not gonna show you. {93981}{94014}-You're a man.|-Don't be a faggot. {94017}{94077}Come on. What's the big deal?|It's just a couple of guys. {94082}{94133}I'd be humping you like that. {94162}{94204}I can't wait to do this to a woman. {94461}{94523}Anybody want a sandwich or something? {94605}{94659}Yeah. Great. {94705}{94745}Very good. You've got great hair actually. {94748}{94790}-Thank you.|-Yeah. {95010}{95040}That was great. {95069}{95130}-Oh, yeah.|-Good boy. {95189}{95220}Fuck, yeah. {95266}{95305}You're doing a great job. {95308}{95338}Thank you. {95367}{95421}Come on, Jack, look me in the eyes. {95425}{95480}Look me in the eye. You can do this. {95559}{95583}Dude. {95613}{95658}Why would he look you in the eyes|when he's looking at a pussy? {95661}{95734}-Why would he look you in the eyes?|-No, no. Just for concentration. {95737}{95809}-He does not look in a guy's...|-I don't need you for concentration, okay? {95812}{95874}-Look her in the eye.|-This is a fucking swingers party. Okay? {95877}{95918}If you don't want pussy,|if you don't want fucking... {95921}{95968}-No, I want...|-Then quit fucking touching me {95971}{96039}and quit telling me|to look at you in the eye. Okay? {96042}{96105}I didn't come here|for no fucking queer shit. Okay? {96109}{96144}-Me, neither.|-Okay. {96147}{96181}-Let's keep it at that then.|-Cool. {96184}{96254}This is a fucking swingers party.|Right, guys? {96257}{96307}I see what the fuck you're doing, dude. {96310}{96337}-Hi.|-Did he not try to pull {96340}{96379}-that queer shit on you out there?|-Hi. How you doing? {96382}{96436}I don't need this motherfucker|touching me on the back, {96439}{96488}telling me to look him|in the fucking eye. Right? {96491}{96574}-I was just going to the kitchen.|-I know, yeah. Come on. {96594}{96666}What's this shit? Let's take this off. {96688}{96756}Let's maybe we get|to know each other a little. {96759}{96822}-I think you broke that, actually.|-I don't give a fuck. {96825}{96914}Yeah, there is...|Let's get to know each other a little bit first. {96945}{96971}Know each other? What? {96974}{97027}You must produce a lot of milk. {97036}{97094}I don't want you to do something|that you'll regret. {97097}{97179}You wake up tomorrow, you've lost|your virginity, and you feel ashamed. {97183}{97262}You know, let's take this a little slower. {97265}{97314}-We should reschedule.|-Sit the fuck down. {97317}{97370}Sit the fuck down. Don't fuck around! {97415}{97470}No, let's do this the right way. {97507}{97566}I go, and I sit down with your father,|we talk about this. {97570}{97604}-If he gives his permission...|-What? {97607}{97639}Would you quit being a little bitch here {97642}{97710}and take your little briefs off|before I fucking rip them? {97716}{97751}Wait. Yes. {97754}{97779}-Yeah.|-Fine. {97782}{97807}-Thanks.|-Okay. Great. {97810}{97855}I don't like this little shit. {97858}{97886}Yes, well, I want to really make|this heterosexual sex. {97931}{97959}It's going to be fantastisch! {97963}{98056}Do as I say. Take that fucking shit off now! {98087}{98142}-Don't... You fold them.|-Fuck. {98145}{98211}You gotta fold that neatly.|You don't treat suede like that. It stains. {98214}{98271}Sit the fuck down. Take it off! {98274}{98357}I've got an idea.|Let's play a little bit of dress-up here. {98360}{98384}It will be erotisch. {98387}{98431}What is this?|You gonna dress me like a man? {98434}{98467}No, it's just a beard. {98470}{98506}-Am I supposed to wear a beard?|-It's just a... {98509}{98541}Come on, it will be fun. {98544}{98572}I don't need a beard. {98575}{98608}Take it off! Now! {98611}{98639}Once you put the... {98704}{98761}-Fuck! Take it off.|-Okay. I'm... {98764}{98789}-Okay, I'm going to do this.|-Right now! {98793}{98857}Get on your fucking knees|and suck my spike here, bitch. {98921}{98971}Okay. Help! {98979}{99019}Don't fuck around! {99098}{99138}Don't call me gay! {99151}{99247}I'm gonna become straight.|I'm gonna become über straight. {99274}{99343}I'm gonna be the straightest man|who's ever lived. {99346}{99441}Und then I'll be famous.|You'll see. You'll see. {100014}{100039}What's up, Arkansas?|How's everybody doing? {100158}{100215}You guys ready to see|a little ass kicking tonight? {100256}{100337}Make some noise, everybody.|Put your hands together. Make some noise {100340}{100462}for the host of the brand-new TV show,|Straight Dave's Man Slammin' Maxout. {100468}{100566}Give it up for Straight Dave! {100599}{100689}Straight Dave. Straight Dave. {101157}{101232}Are you ready for|some man-slamming action? {101269}{101356}Who's ready for|an old-fashioned heterofest? {101418}{101515}Are you 100% hetero like me? {101718}{101780}Who out there is proud to be straight? {101831}{101900}Let me hear you say straight pride. {101906}{101936}-Straight pride.|-Straight pride. {101940}{101979}Straight pride. {101982}{102015}-Straight pride.|-Straight pride. {102025}{102114}I am so straight|that when I bought my house, {102117}{102199}the first thing I did|was brick up the back door. {102281}{102378}You know why?|Because my asshole's just for shitting. {102380}{102418}Let me hear you say that. {102421}{102474}-My asshole's just for shitting.|-My asshole's just for shitting. {102498}{102578}It's great to have an evening|with straight people. {102581}{102647}It's great not to have any fags here. {102651}{102689}You're a faggot! {102716}{102762}Who called me a faggot? {102775}{102870}Whoever called me a faggot come up here,|and I'll beat your Arsch. {102881}{102955}Who called Straight Dave a faggot?|Come up here. {103195}{103228}Let him in. {103387}{103470}Who wants to see me beat this fag's ass? {103519}{103573}Who wants me to beat this... {103630}{103654}Fuck him up! {103657}{103688}Get him, motherfucker! {103765}{103811}Beat his fucking ass! {104215}{104249}Kick his ass! {104883}{104916}Fucking fag! {104999}{105082}-Homo! Queer fags!|-Motherfuckers! {105488}{105538}Stop! Stop! {105703}{105790}Get out of my town. You all are sick. {105870}{105965}Tell him we don't have no faggots here|in Arkansas. Take that shit somewhere else. {106008}{106070}You pussy-ass faggot motherfucker! {106632}{106718}Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit! {106729}{106810}Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit! {107236}{107367}The footage went everywhere,|und Brüno became über famous. {107404}{107499}As for Lutz,|we decided to get married in California. {107523}{107603}But because of the law,|we had to be a bit inventive. {107612}{107696}I feel this is the biggest step|you'll ever make in your lifetime. {107699}{107742}-It's a very big moment.|-That's right. {107745}{107819}Am I going to be able to meet her|before we actually start? {107822}{107846}Sure. {108155}{108235}I... I don't marry 2 men or 2 women. {108242}{108324}If she's a man,|then how did it give birth to our son? {108432}{108456}You gave birth to a little black child? {108460}{108485}Yes. {108510}{108561}When did you have the baby? {108570}{108644}I don't even know why|I'm asking that question. {108672}{108726}But even though marriage|was a nicht-nicht, {108730}{108785}we weren't gonna let it get us down. {108788}{108814}We were happy. We had each other. {108858}{108889}And we had O.J. back, {108903}{108967}although he did cost us a MacBook Pro. {108986}{109043}Plus, ich was now so famous {109047}{109146}that I was able to record|mein very own charity video. {109193}{109337}Subtitles: Arigon {109362}{109402}I've written a song {109415}{109528}that I hope is gonna|bring the world together {109674}{109756}Put down your guns and bombs {109777}{109850}and just make love forever {109864}{109896}Okay, then. {109999}{110069}He's come to heal the world {110094}{110148}and make all nations calmer {110309}{110399}I am the Austrian Jesus {110410}{110490}He is the white Obama {110504}{110545}He's the white Obama {110631}{110703}War's just based on hate and fear {110706}{110784}Stop fighting, North and South Korea {110804}{110875}You're both basically Chinese {110883}{110943}And he's Brüno, dove of peace {110946}{111013}Hey, yo, Brüno, where the bitches at? {111034}{111097}You are Brüno, dove of peace {111100}{111181}You do it, fashion model|You got the cute hos {111192}{111281}You are Brüno, dove of peace {111312}{111352}You know, I love black guys.|I'm a chocoholic. {111355}{111430}Du bist Brüno, dove of peace {111433}{111472}Brüno wants peace. {111477}{111570}Either we gonna have peace,|or we gonna have motherfucking war. {111587}{111656}I have a dream for the Third World {111675}{111758}Clean water, food and teaching {111898}{111981}In every village and every town {112000}{112072}a place for anal bleaching {112218}{112301}We need to rid the world of hunger {112304}{112383}I'm like Bono, except much younger {112396}{112468}He's only 19 {112471}{112536}Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace {112590}{112665}Hey, hey, he gay, he gay {112689}{112714}Okay. {112762}{112834}.:: Napisy24 - Nowy Wymiar Napisów ::.|Napisy24.pl